OWN THE NIGHT [[CARMINE

[Lusha je D'caarre]

The peace conference had been interesting, to say the least. The Niendran hadn't thought it would have come to this. The escalation of war and chaos was evident when Lusha helped Carmine out of there; far enough as to let him begin healing himself. She had actually been half asleep when he went unconscious. Had she not been half asleep she wouldn't have panicked because she would have remembered him telling her he would do just that. Though seeing as how she was half asleep when he started the process, his fainting woke her up with fear. Until she had remembered and her nerves had finally calmed down from the thrust of worry that was placed on them. Sighing as her nerves finally calmed, she had rubbed her palm against her forehead feeling quite ashamed.

While he had been unconscious she had adjust herself; though she felt comfortable doing this while he was out she still hid herself behind a tree in case he awoke. She wasn't quite ready for him to be one of the first few people that knew her true nature. While standing behind the tree she took off her shirt, undid her bandages that held her in place, and re-wrapped them. She put on her shield to cover up while she let her shirt dry off a bit from the water blast of that red-headed gal at the camps. As her shirt was drying and Carmine was still unconscious she wrote in her journal which she kept in the belt of her pants. Only several minutes had passed before she checked her shirt, and though it was still damp she didn't feel comfortable not wearing it in case Carmine awoke unexpectedly.

She was leaning with her back against a tree, her knees against her chest and her arms out in front of her resting on her knees. She felt ashamed that she had almost fallen asleep several times as she sat there keeping an eye on her newly found painter friend. She was quite happen that it was just she and Carmine where they were -- she knew this because she was fully aware of her surroundings and the sounds around them -- because she could see it now, what her mates would say to her being friendly to a Carthonian despite him just being a simple painter. Suddenly that brought the memory that Carmine had painted a very strong portrait of her during their first meeting, she pulled the painting from her belt and opened the damp paper. Due to the water blast it looked nothing like it had when he had first given her the painting.

If she wasn't a "boy" in the Niendran army she would have cried right then and there. Ever since the fight she had been kind of emotionally unstable, so anything that would be upsetting seemed to be hitting her harder than it should have. Letting out a hard sigh as she crossed her legs and leaned her head against the tree, her eyes slowly shutting as she tried to calm her frazzled nerves once more. She folded the painting once again, and though it was still damp she place it back in her belt. Even if it were messed up she still wanted to keep the first painting her new friend had given her.

Taking out her leather journal from her belt once again, she began to write to her bro--"sister." She wrote about the peace conference, Carmine, patience, the army, her feeling lonely without him. Most of it the usual stuff that she would write about. Though Carmine and the peace conference were the newest things to mention. Oddly enough she spent about the same amount of time and words talking about both Carmine and the peace conference. Though every time she mentioned something new about Carmine she couldn't help but look over at him. As she finished the journal entry, she closed the book and whispered as she pressed her lips to the page. "I love you." She closed her eyes, with her lips pressed against the leather of the journal.

for carmine rihl haerow
word count only 685 o-o eh
notes idk what to think of this post </3

[Carmine Rihl Haerow]

The sun was beginning to set by the time Carmine finally woke up. For a minute, he didn't remember what had happened. "Where--oh, that's right," he said to himself in Carthonian, wincing at the pain in his side as he sat up from where he'd passed out. It didn't hurt as much as it had before, though. He touched the makeshift bandage gingerly, trying to discern how long it would take to heal completely. It would probably close up overnight, though it might be another day or two before the whole thing was entirely healed. That sword had gone in quite a ways.

He sat up with his legs folded under him and looked over at Lusha, who seemed to have just finished writing something in a little leather-bound book. He hadn't seen that before. Was the soldier a poet, after all? It was rather unusual for one to carry a book around. The oddity of it piqued his interest.

"What is that?" he asked with a little lop-sided grin, in Niendran this time.

"And can you tell me anything about what happened back there? It got... crazy very fast."

[Lusha je D'caarre]

Swiftly her eyes moved over Carmine as she moved the journal from her lips to her chest, she sat there smiling at the awakening painter hugging her journal to her chest. Her smile was soft, the most un-soldier like smile you could ever see. It seemed too femme for her rugged face, though it was her coming out. The last time she shared a smile such as this she was with her step-uncle, Mathayus. Blinking herself back to where she was, the smile almost faded as she greeted Carmine. All though the smile soon came back on her face.

At first she was taken aback by his forward question, though she knew he was not meaning to seem as forward as she took it. No one had every really asked was her journal was or what it was about before... Mathayus knew only because she had told him, her family knew because she had asked them to help her find material. No one else from outside her family had ever asked what it was. Most of the men in the army knew not to ask because she wouldn't answer or she would simply glare until one became uncomfortable and changed the subject or turned away.

She always seemed to avoid having to give an answer, but this time she was compelled to answer the painter. A soft smile formed on her lips as she looked from Carmine to the book, and then back at the painter. "Oh this... It's just a book I made," she cast her eyes down a bit, kind of ashamed to say that she had made it from her dead brother's boots. Well, she wasn't ashamed exactly, she just felt weird explaining it to someone. "It's a journal I write in. I like to write to my late sister." She spoke nervously and hesitantly as she tried to keep her story straight.

When the painter had asked her about what had happened at the camps her eyes became dark as the shadows. Lusha felt as though his getting hurt was her fault since she had been part of the reason why the chaos had been started. Quiet fell over her, she wasn't sure where to begin or how to explain it and she was afraid that this Carthonian would no longer want to be her friend if he knew. Then again, it was her job to protect her fellow Niendran, that is what she had been trying to do in the long run. He couldn't blame her for trying to do her job, could he? She looked at Carmine, her eyes distant and dark. She didn't want to tell him, in all honesty. But if it wasn't her he would find out through someone else, and it wouldn't be as well explained as it would coming from her own lips.

Carthonian, especially those who told stories, never told them right. Especially when it involved a Niendran.

"I want you to know I am not blaming your people," she started, her voice wavering from nerves and hesitation. "Rather, not all your people." Pausing to watch the man before her, she downcast her eyes once again. It was taking her a while to explain the story, she knew. But she didn't want to make herself sound like the enemy of his people, or at least, not an enemy of him. Rolling her eyes she sighed before she continued, nervously, "I was simply protecting my fellow Niendran. He was being hurt by Carthonian, he was being stolen. I had to stop it, I had to save him. It was my job to protect him and I was not going to fail..." She paused, taking a quick glance at Carmine before she looked away to continue. "I confronted these men, and then I was interfered by a Carthonian man who was of high ranking in his militia. He stopped me, and all I wanted was to save my Niendran. He accused m of being accusatory to two men who were stealing this Niendran. I saw them sedate him, I knew they were lying.

"Carthonians never believe a Niendran word." She didn't mean it to sound prejudice, but when it came to the man who had stopped her from saving Felicite she could not help the harsh prejudice in her tone. When she finally looked back at Carmine her eyes were filled with tears that she would not allow to fall. Men in the Niendran militia did not cry. "I was stopped by the older Carthonia; we had started to fight. The other two Carthonian stole away with my fellow Niendran. I did not do my job; I did not save my fellow man." She cast her eyes away from the painter, ashamed.

Quickly finding her strength, she stood up, placing her journal back in her belt before she walked over to Carmine. Giving him a hand she tried smiling kindly at him, though the smile seemed forced. "We should get you to safer grounds, no?"

for carmine rihl haerow
word count only 835
notes she's so sad <3

[Carmine Rihl Haerow]

It was almost funny how different Lusha was now in comparison to how he'd first seemed when they met. He'd been so professional and soldierly then, even if he was interested in Carmine's painting. It had taken a while for the young soldier to open up, but Carmine was glad he had. He had a new friend now, and a Niendran at that. That was a first for the painter.

He smiled back at Lusha as he told him about the journal. "You made it yourself? That is... im-impressive?" It took him a moment to think of the right word, and then had a little trouble pronouncing it correctly. It came out sounding almost like a question. "I am... sorry to hear about your sister. I am an only child myself."

Then a dark expression came over Lusha's face, and Carmine wondered if he should have asked about the peace conference after all. But he just had to know what had happened. It didn't make any sense for people to just suddenly go crazy like that. Something must have set them off, right? He listened intently as the soldier told him what had happened. He knew Niendrans and Carthonians weren't exactly on the best of terms, but he was fairly oblivious when it came to politics, and he tended to not make snap judgements about people. If he did, he probably wouldn't have befriended Lusha as he had. He did know some people were not like that, although he never quite understood why.

So some Carthonians had tried to kidnap a Niendran, and when Lusha came to the rescue, another older Carthonian had started a fight. Why would anyone try to kidnap someone? Hadn't the peace conference been started so the countries could resolve their differences? And how could one little fight cause such a chaos to break out like it had? But looking at Lusha's face, Carmine didn't think he should ask those questions. The young soldier already seemed rather upset over what he saw as a failure.

Carmine took the hand offered to him and stood up. "Yes, that would be a good idea." Then, on impulse, he put a hand on Lusha's shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. "Hey... it was not your fault. You did your best."

[Lusha je D'caarre]

Smiling as he spoke of how impressed she was she felt her cheeks flush. "I made it out of a old pair of my favorite boots," she smiled gently. Though technically she had made the journal out of her brother's favorite boots. He loved those boots, seeing as how he was no longer with them he had no use for them anymore, and she couldn’t fit them. Lusha had tried to wear them, but she kept tripping in them because they were a size much too large for her small feet. It actually was one of the things that had come up in the Army. She was the right height as her brother, a little smaller in weight, but she said that she hadn't been eating much since her "sister" had died. But her feet growing smaller seemed to be a big subject in the Army for a while. She even came up with the story that it was because she had lost so much weight that she even lost the mass in her feet... that wasn't too believable... but it passed. She looked back to the painter, "I have many siblings. My family is quite... unusual."

Unusual was putting her family nicely. She was the youngest in her family, her deceased twin brother only three minutes older than her, and then her older siblings... Some of which were older than her step-mother, who had married her father because she had gotten pregnant. Though even after the child was lost before birth her father did not unwed the woman, they stayed together; the family didn't mind so much. They all had kind of welcomed her because their father needed someone, and this girl was nice enough. They easily made her feel at home, though they treat her more like a sibling since she is only several years younger than the eldest children and several years older than the youngest children than a mother. Not only had Lusha's family welcomed in the woman they also welcomed in her family. Though it was obvious that her family didn't agree with it as easily as they had. The poor girl was kind of alone, but her brother still talked to her even though he didn't approve either. This fellow was Lusha's step-uncle. He helped her throughout the Army after he had found out her true gender... of course he freaked out because he honestly thought she was her brother... but once he was used to the idea they were able to get closer.

"Very unusual," she smiled thinking of her large family.

Having never really spoken so much to anyone she felt ashamed letting herself crumble before Carmine with a simple question as to what had happened. Inside she was beating herself up, she was opening herself to something she had never felt before. And to a Carthonian... though, he was probably one of the only Carthonian that she hadn't seemed to have been bothered by. Not only that but she hadn't upset him in anyway... yet. Lusha had never really been able to make friend, not as easy as it had been to become friend with this painter. She hadn't opened herself up to anyone, with the exception of her step-uncle (who had become like a brother to her). Her father didn't even know that much about her... the only person that ever had was dead. She was opening herself up to a man that she had only met several days before, she was opening herself up to a Carthonian painter... All in all, she was opening herself up and she had no idea what she was getting herself into... She hadn't ever really done this before.

So, she was preparing herself for a judgmental gaze, or harsh Carthonian words to flow out of his mouth. Having been slightly prejudice to his people as she had spoken of what happened, she had not expected him to respond in a nice way. Rather, not really respond much at all. He didn't ask anything else, which she kind of appreciated, and he hadn't made a big deal out of her prejudice to some of his people. He was letting his soldier friend be a soldier in the explanation, and even afterward he still saw her as a friend. Not able to hide a smile as he told her it wasn't her fault, his hand on her shoulder, she felt a little better. Another flush came to her cheeks, her heart pace sped slightly, and she cast her eyes to the ground before his gaze made her knees quaver beneath her. What the hell was wrong with her? Trying to ignore this odd feeling she began to walk slowly, so the man could keep up if he was still badly hurt. She felt as though she needed to say something, though she wasn't quite sure what... all she could say was, "Thank you, very much."

for carmine <3
word count 820 :]
notes .__. ~

[Carmine Rihl Haerow]

"Boots?" he repeated, laughing just a little. "I did not know that was possible." It seemed an odd material to make a book out of, but then, if that was all you had, maybe it was just as well. He didn't think he would have the ability to make something out of boots. He might be good at painting and drawing, but when it came to really making things, he wasn't much use at all. At least, that's how he saw it. He had tried his hand at sculpting once, though; that hadn't turned out so bad. But it was still an artistic thing. Objects of utilitarian value were beyond him. The one time he had tried to help build a shelf, things had gone horribly wrong. Of course, numbers and measurements weren't exactly his strong suit, either.

He grinned when Lusha thanked him, blushing slightly. "What are friends for?" They were friends, weren't they? Carmine certainly considered him to be one. He hadn't met many people since he'd left his master's burned-down studio, except Lord Sylph of course, and Lusha was one of the nicest, after he'd opened up a little. The painter started following the soldier, at a slightly slower pace at first, but after a few yards the stiffness and slight pain in his side subsided, and he caught up to walk next to him.

"Is my accent really that... noticeable? I talk slower than you, too. Maybe you could... teach me a little?"

[Lusha je D'caarre]

A smile came to her face as Carmine expressed his surprise that she was able to make a journal out of old boots; though the girl had to admit she hadn't done it all her own. "Well," she laughed, "I did have a little help with it. My older siblings knew very well that I loved these boots so they helped me gather the materials and bind it into a neat little book so I could write to my sister." In her mind she was quite pleased that most of the story she told was true... only she wasn't writing to a sister, she was writing to her deceased brother. Her elder siblings knew that she and her twin had a special kind of bond; they loved one another and they were inseparable. They were like those child hood best friend that stuck with one another through thick and thin, only they were born in a set. For once in her life her siblings had sympathy for the smaller child of the family, they knew she was sad, and what she had decided to do was foolish and honorable... so they decided to help her with something that was obviously important to her. Making a small journal out of her brothers favorite boots. It meant so much to her, and it helped her and her elder siblings to become a bit closer.

At his comment about friends she stiffened. He was the first friend outside of Mat and several other boys in the Army that she had made. Even though they had only met several days before she felt closer to him than she had anyone else, besides her step-uncle, of course. This painter was kind, non-judgmental, artistic, witty, and quite... handsome. Of course, Lusha had never been attracted to anyone before. Her mind has always been focused on keeping her secret a secret, training for what had just happened (though none of them had expected it). She had never trained herself to pay attention to any kind of attraction, she honestly didn't even know that it was what she was feeling at that moment. Carmine was attractive, and he didn't seem to care that she was Niendran, or that she was a soldier of the opposing country. It didn't seem to matter at all. As she continued walking, silently thinking to herself she felt like she wasn't being a good friend. Friends don't keep secrets...

But her secret was like most secrets. She was a female disguising herself as a male soldier for her country and for her brother who had always dreamed of being in the army. Underneath her ruggedness she was of female persuasion... That isn't a secret one would keep from their friend, is it? He deserved to know, right? No. He couldn't possibly ever find out that she was a girl, his country could possibly use that against hers. She could lose everything she's worked for, they would possibly even kill her for being a girl in an Army strictly for boys... And Mathayus... What would happen to her friend, her step-uncle if they found out he knew as well? She couldn't possibly tell this... this... painter, her new friend, that she was really not a male soldier but a female one. That is not something you can tell a Carthonian; whether or not they are simply a kind painter.

He had opened her up, though. He was the first person that managed to open her up, and not because they found out her true state first. He actually simply talked to her, got to know her... they bonded -- maybe -- and became friends. Did he consider her a friend? Well, he had to, didn't he, to make such a comment? Was it really something she should fight with herself about? It was simple, she was a girl disguised as her deceased brother to do something he had always wanted to do... She was honoring him and her country, even if she was going about it the wrong way. It was decided, she had to tell him. She couldn't keep deceiving everyone she met, especially if they considered her a friend. She stopped in her tracks to face Carmine, though he stood a head taller than she. She opened her mouth to tell him, but the only words that came out were to answer the question he had asked. "Yes, I will most definitely teach you Niendran. Gladly." She smiled, still standing, facing him.

She hesitated, glanced to the ground and then back to Carmine's face. A deep blush forming on her cheeks before she blurted, "I am actually a female," before she quickly turned from him to hide her reddened face. Her eyes downcast and ashamed.

for darling carmine <3
word count 793 >.>
notes thought i'd try to get one in before i got off to do homework for tomorrow (just in case i actually do have school).

[Carmine Rihl Haerow]

A pair of boots did sound like an odd thing to be fond of, but then, Carmine had been inseparable from his old collapsible easel, and that didn't really make any more sense, considering the state it had been in. Of course, now it was burned down back at the camp. He supposed, if he had had the opportunity, he might have gone back to salvage some part of it, but that was silly, wasn't it? Still, it was the only thing he had left to remind him of his time apprenticed to his master. Losing it made him a little sad. He put his hands in his pockets and continued walking alongside Lusha.

When she stopped suddenly, he stopped too and looked up from his reverie. He had only asked whether he would teach him better Niendran. He smiled when Lusha said he would, but that didn't seem to be all the soldier wanted to say. He was about to ask what was wrong when Lusha's face went red and he looked up at him, blurting out something rather surprising, then turning away from him.

"I am actually a female."

For a minute, Carmine didn't know what to say or think. She had led him to believe she was a man, or she had implied it, at least. His world seemed to spin slightly, so that when he looked at her again, he noticed the feminine things about her that he hadn't before--her long hair, her soft face, her small frame and stature. He found himself blushing in spite of himself. He had been so familiar with her; he was usually so shy around girls. And now... well, nothing had changed, really. They were still friends, weren't they?

"Why did you not tell me before?" he asked softly in his accented Niendran. Then it dawned on him. Niendrans didn't allow women in the military. He took a step toward her and leaned to one side, so he could look at her face. "Is it because you wanted to be a soldier? That is very... brave of you."

[Lusha je D'caarre]

Bursting would have been an option for her had she not been curious as to what he would say to her. Her nerves her driving her crazy, she was expecting him to run off, to go yelling that she was a girl, to give the Niendran a reason to rid her... Or the Carthonian a reason to make the Niendran militia crumble. If the peace conference hadn't been lacking of peace she wouldn't be thinking these thoughts of her Carthonian friend. Though she assumed all of them were working an alternate motive simply because a Niendran had been stolen on her watch, and because another one interfered with her trying to save him. The Carthonian that she had met seemed to be of the bad persuasion, while Carmine was utterly too soft and kind to even be considered on in her mind. He didn't have an alternate agenda; he was honest and he was kind and talented.

Almost to tears; this was the first time she had mentioned it rather than someone finding out, though most of the time she never spoke of her state, she simply kept her life a secret. Mathayus found out because that was something she couldn't help, lucky enough he was family and it wasn't so bad. If it had been anyone else she wouldn't have been a soldier and she wouldn't have met Carmine... And she was happy she knew Carmine. He wasn't like most of the men she knew in Niendra; filled with too much pride and the thought they were the best fighter even if they weren't. Respect is what she had for Carmine, he was honest with himself, he was more kind than most Carthonian, and he was talented in something that was something other than fighting or being vain. There she was being prejudice to his people again.

Lusha could have cried, but she was trying to be strong. She was always trying to be strong, trying to be like her brother; that is what she had always been trying to do. She has done that so much she wouldn't even know who she was if it slapped her in the face. It had been so long since she had actually been a weak little girl, if there ever was a time. She was always Lusha, the strong one who was in the Niendran military. She wasn't like ever other Niendran girl. She could fight, she could hold her ground, she never did anything any normal girl had ever done. From her birth she was being trained to be a guy, she was the only girl in the family, she didn't have a mother figure to teach her anything else, she was being raised by her father and her siblings. Even after her step-mother joined the family, she had all ready become this tomboy... Even her step-mother's presence didn't make a difference -- though, her step-mother wasn't really a mother figure anyhow.

Half expecting him to run, she was shocked by the fact that he didn't. She was still there in his presence. He didn't go off to tell his people some news about the Niendran secretly having a girl in their army, which she had a feeling that he wouldn't but one can never be too sure when it comes to Carthonian. Lifting her head slightly to look at Carmine, she tried to force a smile. "I was afraid," she admitted, her cheeks blushing once again, "I've never been anything other than this hard person who fought. My brothers had never been easy on me, the only person I got along with was my twin. I'm the only girl in my family. My brother had wanted to be in the military, and he was the person I was closest to..." She felt weak, she had never felt that way before. "He died, and I knew he wanted to be in the Army and I couldn't just let his dream die... so I posed as him to live it for him."

A smile came to her face as she thought of her brother, but it faded as she continued to talk. "I had to create a story. I was now my brother, Lusha, and I had to explain why I had seemed weaker -- he was stronger and slightly bigger than me. I had to explain who in my family had died -- my brother had become ill so I said that my "sister" had died. I don't have a sister Carmine, I am the sister. I am the one that died." She looked at him, she was unsure how to read him because her mind was swimming with thoughts. "My name is Saecilia Je D'caarre," she smiled slightly sticking her hand out, "And if you don't mind I'd like to start over with you. You're my friend; I thought you needed to know." She laughed, "The only person I've ever let myself get close to is my step-uncle, he's the only other person, other than my immediate family, that knows of my state. And, I'd kind of like to keep it that way... I'm not sure how the rest will react."

She forced a smile. Having never told anyone so much about her life she felt weak and broken. She felt as though she was going to cry, she didn't understand any of these feelings. Though she felt weak she also felt strong for being honest with someone she felt something for. He was her friend and she wanted to keep it that way, so she needed to tell him. She knew that much. Now that she had... she felt a little better, though sick to her stomach.

for carmine (:
word count 949
notes written before class (:

[Carmine Rihl Haerow]

Carmine listened intently as Lusha, or rather Saecilia, told her story. It turned out things were more complicated than her just wanting to be in the army. She was doing it in memory of her dead twin brother, carrying on the dream he had when he was alive. He already respected her so much for being able to do a soldier's job in the first place, something he himself could probably never do due to his clumsiness and inherent dislike of conflict, but this only made him respect her even more. He wondered if he could ever do something so brave. Painting had always come naturally to him, had never required any great sacrifice on his part. He could hardly imagine giving up some sense of his identity to carry out another's dream.

He took her proffered hand and shook it absent-mindedly more out of reflex than anything, giving her a little quizzical look at her words. "Why do we have to start over? You are still you. We are still friends... right?" he asked, giving her a little shy smile. "I can keep a... secret."

He did have to wonder, though, if things would be exactly the same as before. Now that he knew she was a girl, he seemed to be on the verge of blushing all the time. And the drawing he'd done of her earlier! He had noticed she was rather cute for a boy, but hadn't thought much of it. Now he wondered how he would ever stop thinking about it. This was rather a new experience for him.

But she still seemed to be uneasy about something. Her smile seemed forced, her face was pale. On impulse stemming from a sudden urge to make her feel better and see a real smile light up her face again, he gave her a light hug. It surprised him how easily his arms folded around her small frame.

[Lusha je D'caarre]

Feeling quite surprised with herself, her cheeks flushed, she had never told so much stuff to one person in her whole life. Especially someone she had only met several days before. She felt so weak because she had never said so many of her secrets out loud to anyone, it made her feel light headed. If she hadn't felt so bad that she hadn't told him, she probably wouldn't have. Though, she had told him and even though she was now confused she felt a bit better that someone outside of her family knew. Closing her eyes, taking short breaths because she didn't know what to expect and though he didn't freak she felt as though he would. He was a nice person, and he was her friend... In a way she was glad that he knew her secret, but she also wished that it didn't happen in this manner.

She opened her eyes as he took her hand and spoke. Smiling at his words, she almost seemed sad, "Honestly I don't know who I am anymore." She looked away again before his words took on a full effect, and she looked at him with shock written on her face. He was surprising her every minute, and she couldn't help but blush and turn her face away from him again. "We're definitely still friends, Carmine," she nodded her head, but she couldn't look at him just yet. Though his last words made her smile. Covering a hand over her lips she tried to refrain from giggling, but she couldn't help it. She hadn't laughed like this in so long that she couldn't even control it. When she finally stopped her self she looked at Carmine, a smile on her face and nodded. "I am glad to know that you can keep a secret."

It felt really good to have a friend like Carmine. It was actually a lot different then all the other relationships she had, like the ones with her brothers, or her step-uncle. They were all so different. With Carmine she felt so much like herself, and for so many years she hadn't a clue who she was or what exactly she was doing. She didn't have to fight so hard to be the best, she didn't have to work to keep up with all the others, she could relax. For once in her life, with Carmine that is, se could be a girl; despite the lack of looking like one. If one asked her what it was like to finally come out to someone about being a girl, she wouldn't be able to describe it. It was all new to her. With Carmine she could actually act like a girl, with everyone else she always had to keep the front up because if they knew it wouldn't have turned out as well as it had with Carmine.

This was different. This was friendship, true friendship. She had never really experienced true friendship, where one could act as they are rather than as they aren't. Lusha -- she felt weird using Saecilia -- felt as though she had lifted an anvil of her chest and threw it off a cliff. She felt so good, yet she felt weaker. She felt as though she had no control over her life, she wasn't sure how to act or what to say. She hadn't been a weak little girl around a boy in so long she almost forgot how it felt. And suddenly she felt nervous and choked up. She wasn't sure she could take this.

When Carmine had given her a light hug, she felt so light headed. She practically froze, she wasn't sure how to respond. She was so quiet, so calm, and when he gave her a light embrace her heart began to race, and a burn came to her cheeks. Looking away, she bit her bottom lip, debating whether she should hug him back or just let it happen. Did girls always have to think this much when they were simply hugged? Why was being a girl so hard for her? I didn't seem as natural as posing as a boy had been. She didn't know who she was, and if she were being herself, she no longer remembered how to act like a girl. Had she ever had the opportunity to ever really act like a girl? She couldn't remember.

for hoooo, carmine (:
word count not as much at 734
notes it's not as good as i hoped, but then again she struggling because she's not really sure how to act the way a girl should act. she's been one of the guys for so long that she feels like she never had the opportunity of being a girl. :/ poor thing.

[Carmine Rihl Haerow]

Carmine had never really had a friend his own age who was willing to tell him so much about themselves. When he'd been growing up, sailors and merchants would tell him all sorts of stories about their adventures when they stayed at his mother's inn, but they left after a few days, and he wouldn't really have considered them friends. And when he had gotten his apprenticeship, well, his fellow apprentices had seen him more as a rival or something to make fun of rather than friends. Since he'd been a kid living at the harbor, the closest thing he had had to a true friend had been his master.

He felt like he could tell Lusha anything and she would understand. She wasn't judgemental about his lack of physical strength or his scatter-brained nature. And she didn't seem to mind that he was Carthonian, despite her admitted dislike of most of them.

When he hugged her, however, she went a little stiff. After a minute or two and she didn't respond any better, he let go of her and scratched the back of his head, giving her an embarrassed smile. "Uh, sorry... I just uh... you seemed to need a hug." He laughed a little nervously, putting his hands in his pockets and rocking on the heels of his feet. Then he grinned, thinking of something that might diffuse the tension. "You want to know a secret of mine? I am... afraid of fire."

[Lusha je D'caarre]

Lusha truly did want to consider him a friend, for he had been so kind to her; he was still being kind to her even after she was being so weird. Other than her family, she didn't truly have anyone else... Unless you'd call that little blond Baron Aindriu a friend; she had come across him at one point and they talked but she wasn't sure if she would consider him a friend. Carmine was probably the closest thing she had to the definition of a real friend. He was sweet and kind, and he was accepting as she was. She couldn't help but smile at him, she felt so comfortable around him, and it had been so long since she was comfortable with anyone so fully. Honestly, she couldn't believe that a simple painter from Carthonian could break through her shell, when it took some other people so long. She held herself so well that she finally felt good to let her cover guard down. Lusha could finally be who she really was, but it felt like a foreign thing to her because it had been so long.

"I-I apologize, Carmine," she smiled nervously after the hug. "I hadn't been held as a girl in an embrace in so long. I was not sure what to do..." She felt ashamed of herself for making him feel embarrassed or awkward; she knew all to well what that felt like and it wasn't always the best feeling. "I hope you forgive me." She smiled up to him, she didn't want him to be upset with her or embarrassed of doing things with her. She hadn't been her femme side in so long she almost forgot how to be a girl, so starting over with Carmine -- and none of the other people she thought would be around when she finally came out (though this person didn't count as her truly coming out, and she knew that) -- would probably actually help her. Carmine was a really nice person. She hoped there was a possibility that she could actually be a real girl.

But it had been so long. It had been too long.

She smiled when he told her a secret of her own. She couldn't help but let out a soft laugh, all he was trying to do was make this situation better. He was trying to make her feel less awkward, and lighten the mood on the situation. She smiled at him, he eyes glittering, "Well, I'm sorry that you had to go through what happened at the camps." Lusha smiled at him, and all she wanted to do was hug him now. Even though she had been so stiff and confused when he hugged her she wouldn't help but want to hug this darling man before her. He was so sweet and tender... With an awkward smile and a gaze steady on the ground before Carmine's feet, she spoke just audibly enough for him to hear if he were paying attention... "Uh... Carmine... I was… Uh… Thinking maybe…" A long pause before she began again, "Do you think we could try the hug again... If you want…?"

She felt so awkward asking, and she could feel her cheeks flushing, but she wanted to see his face. Slowly she lifted her head, some of her long hair falling from out of her tight hold around her face. Her eyes shone, and her skin was pale against there surroundings, he cheeks burning with a bright pink-red. She fiddled with the piece of hair nervously as she waited for an answer.

for carmine, darling
word count exactly 600 ^-^;
notes i feel like i'm repeating myself, but she's cute closer to the ending of this... sorry it's been so long i've been busy.

[Carmine Rihl Haerow]

"No, it is all right. It was not your fault." Carmine stifled a laugh behind his hand, shaking his head. "You apologize too much. You sound like me on an... especially clumsy day," he said, grinning to show he was only teasing her. Really, he couldn't understand why she felt so guilty about all this. She had only been doing her duty. Whatever came afterward had not been her fault, and he was sure she certainly did not intend to cause what had happened. And the fire couldn't possibly be traced back to anything she did, anyway. It was just an accident. He had lost things before in his life; he knew he could move on. Besides, he still had some of the money Lord Sylph had paid him for the paintings. He could easily start over.

And anyway, she had helped him to safety and kept watch over him while he was unconscious and healing. That nearly amounted to saving his life. He knew very few Niendrans, if any, would have done the same, in light of the chaos at the peace conference. In fact, he would have expected to be killed if anyone else had found him. She hardly needed to ask his forgiveness for anything after the past several hours. He wished his Niendran was better so he could say all this the way he thought it in his head, but he knew it would only come out jumbled and simplistic if he did.

Her next words surprised him a little. He began to see, in her shy smile and down-cast gaze, the girl she had kept hidden behind the tough facade of a soldier. Then she looked up at him again, her cheeks flushed and rosy with embarrassment, and his heart skipped a beat. She was so irresistibly cute...

"Um, o-okay," he said, blushing a little himself, even as he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close again. A few days ago, he would have never guessed Lusha had such a vulnerable side. It made him feel like they had one more thing in common, and brought out a sense of protectiveness in him that he had never felt before. Ignoring the slight stiffness in his side, he pulled her even closer and closed his eyes. It had been so long since he'd hugged anyone, he just wanted to stay like this for a while and forget the wild world around them.

[Lusha je D'caarre]

The girl couldn't recall the last time she was nervous around a boy... She couldn't recall the last time she blushed around a boy, nor the last time her stomach had butterflies fluttering about. Lusha couldn't remember a time when her heart palpitation didn't seem to seize. Light-headed, she did not understand what she was feeling -- though she knew exactly what it meant, she didn't understand why she felt that way. She never had felt this way about anyone before. She couldn't deny the fact that she trusted him, that he was so kind, and that she was glad they were friends. Despite everything, she was happy that Carmine was in her life. He made her feel like herself again, or what she believed was herself and not some fairy tale believe of what she hoped she was like.

"Oh Carmine!" She had almost forgotten, her eyes saddening as she pulled out the portrait he had done of her. "It got ruined back at the camps when I was blasted with a water bomb." He frowned slightly, it seemed so melancholy and foreboding on her face, it almost didn't belong. She unfolded the portrait and looked up at Carmine. Contorting her face in an odd expression, she folded it back and held on to it. She shuffled on her feet nervously as she stood waiting for his response. She just needed a little response, to anything.

All her life she had been a tough girl, she hadn't ever once had a moment in her life where she was truly feminine. But around Carmine she felt so much like the girl she was supposed to be. And honestly, she had no idea what to do. Being a boy, rather acting like a boy, seemed to be a much easier task for her. She hadn't a clue how most girls acted seeing as how she was always around guys no matter where she was. Her family, she was always around her brothers. The military, she was always around the soldiers. Even when she walked through the town she never seemed to come across any ladies, or none that would talk to a soldier that resembled a girl.

Though, she was quite awkward for a girl. After she had asked him for another hug, she felt regret and shame. Lusha hated to feel like a joke, hated feeling pathetic and weak, and hated feeling like a small child needing a hug.. She did not particularly like asking that question to begin with, it felt awkward and wrong on her lips, but one cannot take back words that they had already said. Waiting on Carmine's response Lusha fiddled with the paper in her hands, her eyes watching her nervous fingers flip it over repeatedly. She closed her eyes, gently breathing out, trying to calm her nerves. She felt so ridiculous now. How could she seem so normal and comfortable with one person as herself disguised but feel so awkward with that same person once a secret was revealed? Why did she feel like there was something that had changed between them.

As she heard his voice, she couldn't help but reluctantly glance at Carmine's face. A small smile befell her face before his arms were around her. Now that she had expected it, the embrace felt safe and warm. She closed her eyes and breathed softly, wrapping her arms gently around him -- as not to hurt his side. She was so close to him, and she enjoyed every second of it. Her body felt like it was on fire where they were making contact, her face was burning red, her heart beating fast, and her breathing stalled and broken. The smile on her face didn't fade; while she was in his arms she finally felt like her true self, like the self she had always wanted to be. She felt... like a girl.

In this one hug, she felt amazing and beautiful. It brought tears to her eyes, and as she let them fall down her cheeks she whispered, "Thank you." She wasn't quite sure what she was thinking him for, but she was sincere in her words. And she honestly felt something in her heart for the man that held her. She could stay like this all day and night, if they hadn't any place they needed to be; though, right now, she didn't want to disturb this moment.

for carmine luff
word count I was hoping it was going to be more than 738, but oh well.
notes THIS IS A REALLY CUTE POST, I REALLY LIKE THIS POST. <3 but - is this the ending...?